it is official - i have lost my sanity. 

it has only been 2 days. i have only myself to blame for describing yesterday as an extremely mundane day, the luxury of time provided to take notice of the littlest of details in every single movement and change of state. this concluding reflection brought to light the culprit of the state i am in now. this afternoon, while i was showering and preparing to leave the house for school, my handphone rang. abandoning that phone call as i was running late for school, i continued my bath. half a minute later, the house phone rang. i knew it was you, for it is only you that will trap yourself in a frenzy to look for me, to go all out just to hear my voice, just to have some sort of connection. i quickly dried myself and with a towel wrapped around my woah-so-damn-buoyant waist, i made a mad dash for the house telephone. beautiful, almost enchanting thoughts raced against each other in my mind - will i be too happy to even speak, or will i start bombarding you with lovely words trying to prove how much i really miss you in my dire straits? that 3 second race to the house telephone seemed so prolonged. i picked up the caller - the heart pulsated so quickly in a desperate state owing to that sprint but more importantly, the instantaneous adrenaline rush which intruded my body in an almost vulgar manner. i was up for it and with all honesty, i'd do anything just to hear your voice, let alone see your face. 

yet my hopes were dashed right after  a fraction of a second i picked up the call. the caller was a man looking for my dad. i miss you so much that every single medium encouraging any form of connection overseas has led to my overly-sensitive reactions.

i can't believe that at 18 years of age, and studying at a polytechnic at tertiary level, one can still get involved in an exceedingly childish brawl. i am in absolute embarrassment and regret to inform you that today, i was such a person. let's not get into details, for they will definitely turn me into a laughing stock. but i must say that this was my confirmation and acknowledgement that yes lynette, i have lost my sanity officially... 

your absence, my longing. no, will you please come back.?...