played mahjong with the schoolmates/holmies/msn-chatmates on a weekday night at the empty apartment again. it was so fun playing with them, i swear, because joey made joey laugh until joey couldn't take it, joey couldn't concentrate on mahjong and lost a lot. went out to eat after 1 round, which is the usual whenever anybody plays mahjong at my place. we listened to huichin's constant shrill of, "ehh don't think of me as that kind of girl leh." when 95.9% of her portrays what we categorised her under as. the remaning 4.1% attributes to the fact that she is an O level 14 pointer graduate. i didn't realise we finished our last round in a little less than 2 hour when i took my last chip and handed it to darren, the only winner of the day.

had a very fulfilling sleep the most of the next day, and the rest of the night would have been another chapter added to my boring and mundane life. woke up to see that nothing much changed and everything was in order and as usual. took the iniative to make my way down to school to play soccer under the same hot sun, and on the same grounds. had a very good and meaningful chat about my future and their future in the canteen with shahridan and assclown. that night, my brother and i drove ourselves to my cousin's place, played mahjong and reached home in the morning. life will be very much meaningless without the companionship of the beautiful hong kong game. little of the monetary value involved, more of the company and the small chatter in between games, that's what mahjong is all about (at least it is what applies to me).

today, met the ben and co. along with a long-time-no-see su, and did the usual. after that, we went to lan, the worst thing one can do, the best example of how bored we were. and guess who i saw.?! SINGER OF PLUSHFOOLS.! LIKE FACE TO FACE.! THE SINGER OF PLUSHFOOLS.! I EVEN HAD THE HONOUR OF PLAYING IN THE SAME DOTA GAME WITH HIM.! check plushfools out at www.myspace.com/plushfools you must.! okay la, he's just zachary. then ben had to send somebody home, and i waited at the bus stop like an idiot. we went to eat kaya roti, eggs, and drink after that.

OKAY, I MUST TELL YOU ABOUT MY MAID NOW.

my maid, umi, somebody who's shorter than me (okay you can imagine how short she is since she's shorter than me), did a stun no daredevil or jackie chan in the world would ever try. let's start with the beginning when she was all innocent and new to our family -

"umi teh o put ice please."

2 minutes later, drink arrives.

6 months later,

"umi teh o put ice please."

"you no hand no leg isit.?!" with the thick indoneisian accent every maid has. you get my point, cos if you haven't, your life must be very perfect to not get rude retorts like this.! on numerous occassions, i am not given the privillege to choose what i want to have for lunch.

"help me cook spaghetti. put cheese on top. if the cheese haven't melt, put in the oven for 30 seconds."

"don't want la. so difficult."

and because it is difficult for her, i cannot have what i want. i fall everytime she does this. i am so sad, i can't choose what i want to eat. starving african children can roam about their grounds and even select what they want to savage. ME.? I CANNOT.! i HAVE to eat fried rice everyday because fried rice makes cooking less tedious.! yan can cook is here to teach. put the overnight rice you wanted to throw into the wok, stir fry with cut garlic, salt and pepper the rice for extra taste, and pour some black sauce as colouring.! now, you can cook, because if yan can cook, so can you.! in the first place, spaghetti is not difficult to cook, isn't it.? boil the flour noodles, pour the sauce and add some chicken strips, fry it, overturn the pan and let the sauce make its way into the plate of cooked noodles in the name of gravity.! that's it.!

so, having fried rice instead of what i want may not be a good enough reason for me to detest her so much. people go, "just eat la." yes, correct, you know, it will eventually force its way out of the body after going through digestion. BUT SHE HAS TO ADD CHILLI. everybody who knows me well enough knows very well that JOEY TEH CANNOT TAKE CHILLI AND WATCH HORROR MOVIES.

the first time went something like -

"next time my rice or noodle don't put chilli. i cannot eat." and eats bread for lunch instead.

the second time -

"eh next time my rice or noodle just don't put chilli. no taste nevermind. just don't put chilli." and eats bread for lunch instead.

and it goes on and on. there is a serious problem with her auditory canal, that everything that enters through her right ear will exit out of her left. and the standard reply of a highly obstinate maid, she goes, "nevermind what..." dragging the syllabus of the word 'what' extra long, to kill and kill and kill and kill and kill me.

she takes her off on sundays, only once a month, and comes home 3 hours late of when she is expected to return. E-V-E-R-Y-T-I-M-E. i will always remember the day when she cracked a hilarious joke that made my family giggle for 2 seconds.

"why you come home so late.?" my mom asks.

"i lost. don't know how to come back."

"then how you come back in the end.?"

"i take taxi."

"where you go.?"

"east coast park."

"wah, how much, you take the taxi.?"

"7 dollars mam."

OWNED.! NOW, YOU INTRODUCE TO ME A CAB DRIVER YOU'VE NOT KNOWN PREVIOUSLY THAT WILL BRING YOU FROM EAST COAST PARK, BACK TO SIGNATURE PARK, FOR ONLY 7 DOLLARS.! 7 dollars.! that will bring me up to dover road only yo.! people pray everyday that cab fares will one day decrease by such an extent, yet you manage to find one so easily and quickly.? in future, i can cab to clementi and pay the cab driver my toenail.! or i can get into a cab at midnight and ask the driver to drive me around singapore until the sun rises when my air con breaks down.!

enough to convince you that she's the worst maid ever.? here's the last one that happened just yesterday, her final contribution to make our lives more eventful. my maid locked herself and another guy, part of the patrolling team in due of the JI terrorist, in the handicap toilet in our condo. ha, trust me. don't ask me why she did that.? too bad for her, mr supervisor was with mr contractor, made their way to the handicap toilet to check out what is wrong with the toilet, and where it required mr contractor's expertise. they knocked on the door 200 times, nobody opened. mr supervisor and mr contractor waited for a very long period of time, but nobody answered. they questioned the cleaners but everybody said the same thing about not locking the doors. after a very long time, maid unlocks the door, steps out, quickly closes the door, and mr supervisor hears the click of the door locking itself again. he questioned my maid, hand still full with fresh groceries from NTUC (mom asked her to run some errands). after a while, guy still inside the toilet must have had enough of the stinking shit of them, previous users, unlocks the door, and meets mr supervisor. question, questioned, questioning, maid finally gives in and tells mr supervisor our address. my parents were informed, and today, i leaped for joy, sang aloud the happiest of praises to christ jesus, and did somersaults around the boundaries of signature park, for my maid was kicked out and sent back to the maid's agency. THANK YOU JESUS, HALLELUJAH, AMEN. LIKE FINALLY, YOU LISTEN TO MY PRAYERS.?! the agent came to pick her up, and she didn't even say a word of goodbye to any of us. she took her bag, and went straight out of the door.! on the management's part, they have already taken down the Gurkha's work permit and will lodge a complaint against him. bye asshole, we don't need your help to look out for terrorists when you are already sooooo terrorising.

i have zero idea how my maid will end up with a patrolling Gurkha. i have no idea how the condo guards will actually let a Gurkha in. the history of Gurkhas dates centuries back. our country employed Gurkhas for special occassions when we're receiving associates from other countries, or escorting our local ministers to and fro during an event. never in my 17 years of life did it occur that a Gurkha, somebody who is supposedly loyal and vicious when needed, will end up in my condo's handicap toilet. and bloody hell, alongisde a maid. my maid.

this day, i will always remember. The Day My Maid Met A Gurkha. if this story somehow makes it into a famous novel, i will be the first to contribute to the synopsis. it will look something like: Ever fallen out of love because your companion must leave you for his/her studies overseas.? Ever thought that you'll end up with that cute boy working in starbucks coffee although you two are world's apart in terms of suitability.? Ever think of dispelling the curse of not being loved.? Let this true inspiring story influence you to take the first step into the Love World. The power of love, disregarding incompatibility and nationality. Be the one your friends envy and admire. Be the first to meet your Mr./Mrs. Special. Be the outstanding one. Be. Loved.

aiyo, bu cuo orh.

i think my maid in SilkAir economy class just sent the Gurkha boy a text that reads, "till death do us part. i love you forever and ever okie.?" while the Gurkha boy at the other end is spending his last $50 note on a prostitute.

till the new maid arrives on tuesday, i foresee unmake beds, newspaper and magazines piling up at the corner of the living room, unfinished cups of strawberry milk and teh o filling up every inch of what's left of my table, eating out every meal, worn clothes all over my floor, unswept wood fillings chipped off my drumsticks, kitchen basin filled with unwashed dishes, and so many more. since i'm the only one at home by day, i am tasked to do it.

sigh, so much for crying boredom.