on Good Friday's morning, we all woke up early and headed to paya lebar to eat some good prawn mee. my mom had to drive her car because my dad will leave for work from there. she decided to save some petrol fuel and so, she drove to clementi instead. then we took my dad's car from there. after eating, my dad dropped us at paya lebar's mrt. then the extremely long journey begin, stretching from paya lebar to clementi. but this isn't what i wish to blog about. during the long trip, 2 caucasian entered the train at the bugis stop. they were dressed formally - long sleeve shirts, ties, long black trousers, black leather kicks, and they carried a haversack and a bible in their arms. one of the caucasian started speaking to this uncle who was directly opposite us. he introduced himself and gradually started to preach about God's word and works. in the end, the uncle declined his invitation to visit his church. however, the caucasian wasn't at all discouraged. he moved on to the next carriage which was still in sight for my mom and i. he started talking to this young girl who was carrying an Elmo soft toy. he entertained her a little bit, and then slowly, he asked the mother of the young girl her name and so on. then again, the caucasian started to preach and again, the mother didn't accept his request. he continued the whole process, asking and preaching, wanting to make friends with them and eventually, save them indirectly. the uncle didn't accept the request again. he went on and on, and soon, it was time for my mom and i to allight.

how much passion and faith does it takes for a man like this to preach the word to strangers.? even among friends, i find it really hard to open my mouth and iniate this christianity topic. isit because i'm ashamed of my God.? or isit because i have already given up on my friends.? this is becoming really confusing. even in my own church cell, being asked to be a leader is a tough job for me. i guess i'll never know how it's like to be a leader. from an aspiration to father others, i'm right now down to my very last, in this state i've landed myself in. my qualms of spiritual homesickness is getting the better of me. why did i let that someone screw my relationship with God.? after yesterday's incident, i feel guilty not doing anything effective for God. naturally, i should be able to connect to the people in the mrt much more easily then the caucasian because we're citizens of the same country. but if asked to do so, i think i'd rather break the mrt windows and jump off. although such an incident opened my eyes and amazed me thoroughly (because of his faith and his CHINESE which was way better than mine), i feel not at all inspired or encouraged, because i know i'll have to settle some important things with God. till then people, i think i'm turning anti-christ.