Dear god

I'm writing this letter with a heavy heart and in utter frustration. I must complain about the methods you have enforced to teach your little children. What is with them these days?

I'm watching the news and then again, this poor little kid gets chased after by 6 men with choppers. It's the same old story, probably the same old staring thing with big bloodshot eyes owing to lack of sleep, underage smoking, but more prominently, incessant over masturbation. But what baffles me most is the keenness in courage of these teenagers. I mean in a short span of half a year, I've heard over 4 stabbing cases. This is unacceptable, god. This situation is vulgar!

Since nonody's gna give me an answer (the media only offers the weak assumption that staring is a viable warrant for anyone to come after you with choppers), I'm gna go deep into the hearts of these teenagers to search for what's garnering this angst within them.

I haven't really come to terms that teenagers will actually end up with choppers and vice versa. Penknives are fine, and so are the swiss army. But a friggin' chopper ended up in the hands of a teenager? That's just out of the world! Unless of course, they end up in the culinary discipline. But even so, they should know better than to use choppers on living humans. Foodstuff, babies, foodstuff! This, god, you haven't really spent much time educating huh?

You know they like to blame it all on media violence, which in all honesty, is a bag of bullshit to me. For me, it is just a pathetic cover up - I mean, this media violence thing has been going on, and such is its sheer size and impregnability, that nobody can actually point a finger at a specific figure and say, "hey you, media-violence-fire-starter.". Until that day comes, we won't be seeing jet li or the charlie's angel gang in cuffs and thrown into jail for encouraging this media violence shit. Similarly, in the same context, you will never get to see christopher Nolan direct a brokeback-mouintanesque movie. These directors are gna go on and on with their multi million dollar making movies. So yes, definitely no way to put an end to this media violence thing.

So the people will talk about staring and its, as it has been so effectively proven over this period of time, Consequences with the capital 'C'. Your majesty, you gave us a pair of eyeballs and the ability of sight vision for a reason. But if staring at someone for more than 3 seconds will get me chopped, then what's good about these balls? At least let them be detachable , so at the very least, it serves a purpose to jugglers and the sexy ladies. So who's gna call the shots if this teenager slowly comes into my line of vision? Then he hurls some hokkien vulgarities at me, calling me over, daring me to take him on, and then asks, "Eh siao eh, you never die before ah?!". Right right right, let's just break this down a little. Tell me how I should be able to stand in front of you, speak to you, make angry faces to intimidate you if I have 'die before ah?!'. Then when this angry teenager realizes I haven't given him an answer, and still attempting to look angry and fierce, he questions, "YOU.. ISIT.. WANT.. TO.. DIE!!!?!". With added pauses in between for that dramatic effect. "erm, hi gangster. I'm not too sure about that. But let's see... Erm... Okay no. Nope. No I don't want to die. Tyvm."

God, if you decide to not change anything about this, I will be an angry man. I may even ask you those questions above. Husbands are gna get slapped and chopped by wives for staring at them while in a missionary position (dogs will probably gain this newfound respect and value about them in the near future); the optician will want to charge me a rip off price because hey, I 'stared' at him while he was looking through that machine to check the degree of each of my useless eyeballs; I'm standing under the bus shelter, first in the line, the bus arrives but conveniently runs me over instead of stopping because I made eye contact with the bus driver while flagging the bus and so on.

I've had enough really, and I have to admit that it's gna take a huge effort to successfully change this entire situation for good. But this isn't my greatest worry, really. I have to admit - I really fear for my life at times.

Which really brings me to this abrupt and final conclusive purpose of this letter to you, god. Can you, at the very least, not allow situations like this to be dawned upon incompetent runners, or what better known as obese people. Okay fine, fat people. God, please, how in the world am I gna evade these chopper-fuckers?!

Roll lor.

Yours sincerely,
Your very very very worried little child.