hi diary, today turned out to be the least painful day. for once in my 2 years of education in singapore polytechnic, i am giving thanks to the submission datelines given to me, and stop guessing - i cannot be in a clearer state of mind right now. i woke up this morning and felt this searing pain in my head. i am not the type of person who will experience migraines every other morning, and i am pretty sure i have recovered fully the last time you passed your flu to me. i cannot confirm the cause of this throbbing headache and i am reluctant to blame it on a subject. but frankly speaking, i am in utter suspicion that this definitely has got something to do with your absence. 

oh yes, i mentioned something about appreciating my submission deadlines. you know, it is scary - it is scary how we are given so much work and are forced to complete it in such a short span of time; it is even scarier that my classmates possess such good time management that on top of completing the given workload way before the deadline, they are working on extra drawings and documentation for their portfolio (which spoils the "market" apparently and forces substandard student to put in extra effort, should they want to aim for a better grade); and it is most scary that you get physically bullied in class by students who are raring to try their newly learnt mixed martial arts submission moves. i think i have fully explained why at times, some of us are in detest of our course.

you must be confused how somebody can actually be grateful of something they hate. today, i finally managed to find a suitable example to explain the meaning behind this love-hate relationship. i was busied the entire afternoon, trying to complete my assignment which was due at 6pm in the evening. i was confused - somehow, i managed to get you off my mind the whole time i was photoshopping. i couldn't understand how that was even possible. you know how they like to say that sometimes, it is easier than done.? this was a reverse - suspending thoughts of you seemed to be so much more easier in actuality. i don't know why, but the moment i was done with my photoshop and left alone not knowing what to do, thoughts of you came raining in immediately. i thought this was supposed to be easy... 

and then i finally understood what i was feeling. it was but a temporal numb that drove my thoughts into a different avenue. so you see, you're not me and i think you can barely comprehend what i'm going through right now - for me to actually be fond of something i used to dread speaks loud and clear of my readiness to engage myself in sacrificial acts. 

at 11pm in the night, shahridan and i was strolling along the full length of the sea at west coast park. there was this something, this ghost which hit me hard each time i see a couple lying down on the rocks, gazing up into the starry night sky accompanied with a glorious frame of the infinity horizon of the sea. and mind you, i think the rate of couples as expressed in ratio to each step i took was an unfortunate result of 1:5. that wasn't really helping much when my intention of finding company was to get you off my mind. that is of course besides the fact that it's always relaxing to have a nice supper with my shahridan. 

right now, i still can't believe i made that last minute turn at 215 in the morning to take the clementi road up to signature park instead of my usual route, which, of course, saved me from a few moments of displeasure if i was to drive home by toh tuck because i had to inevitably pass by the jalan lempeng neighbourhood. 

let's see, i think i am not exactly looking forward to tomorrow's usual soccer thing. 

you know, i just got this book from gerald and it is titled have a little faith by the famous author of the five people you meet in heaven, mitch albom. i think it is speaking to me somehow. i need to have this faith that you'd be taking care of yourself and be back in one piece for me to cuddle and hold you again. 

okay, i think i'm done. let's try and sleep now. goodnight.

PS: coincidentally, the front page title of the book is accompanied with the 3 words 'A True Story'. it must definitely be talking to me.!