the ambience and setting was perfect for that little conversation to finally erupt with the boy who took the academic possibilities ngee ann had for him in future for granted. it only made me think deeper, the thoughts developed into a final confirmation that i must have had a part to play in what's of him today. we talked about gunbound and maplestory at 13 years of age, and talk about tattoos, police case, how the family's coping and all when we're 17. the contrast certainly did show some positive maturing in the 4-year-process in secondary school, but mostly in a most wayward manner for him. i recalled during the secondary 1 days, when the underwear was as tight as panties, strangling our vitality socks, ha, could use them as soccer stockings anytime because its length is enough to hide an entire shinpad; the Mr Lau period where his fearful aura was automatically instilled into everyone of us the very first day of school, with his half a second, sometimes two, pauses, looking into a certain direction, both hands on the sides of the rostrum, and then finally dropping the punchline, the reason why he's speaking on the stage, the reason why our first lesson would be delayed, like, "yesterday *pause, looks to his right* 2 boys were found *pause, down* smoking at west coast court. and for that *pause* they will get 2 strokes of cane each" *then reveals his long, thick wodden cane, instructing the boys to find 2 tables behind the curtains, as if forcing them to court their own deaths" cooooooool man, my idol *blinks rapidly* on a hot morning, instead of filling the stomachs, we would play ball - soccer ball, basketball, sometimes if lucky, floorball during P.E, sometimes cannot find ball, then use my stomach ball lo. bell rings, we trek back to our classroom after assembly at the hall, only to be greeted by a Low Kok Meng who's infuriated because her warnings didn't serve its purpose well. i used to treat The Dew off bukit batok road st 21 as my 2nd home, where the boy'd invite me on an often basis, and the mom, with open arms, would willingly welcome me anytime. we acted lebron james, li jia wei, david beckham, but most usually, joycelyn yeo. we wanted to maria sharaprova a little, but never had the chance to. once, we tried fusing the tony hawk and the joycelyn yeo together - yes, we skateboarded into the swimming pool, and had the common phone line in the guard's house rung furiously because of caring (nosey) residents. i don't know whose idea it was, but we decided 5 minutes of total embarrassment on teacher's day, trying to be a rob thomas or a carlos santana and whoever else involved, would get us far where O level's concerned. all the jamming and rehearsing eats up a lot of time one leh. no wonder my english get c5, dnt get d7. no point going on, list'll never end. 

i think it's the fashion that teenagers are creating, that having guts is all about rebelling and rebelling is the only way to maintain your suaveness. i think there are at least 39 million other ways to look cool.? i'm not all perfect and free from guilt of being rebellious, but i'm definitely much more qualified to speak and analyse than that boy to begin with. i have zero idea how these groups of people function, but one thing for sure - this boy's not destined for this rough route. is it the scrutiny and attention that he yearns for, or is it the lack of love from the people at home.? the latter being so impossible because the parents are angels, that caring for their own sons is not enough a testimonial for the outsiders to realise that they're good parents, that they would have in mind, the friends of their sons. as much as i want to help to better the situation, i have resigned to fate that both my mates (c & zy) who got me going in the first 2 years of the hectic secondary school lifestyle have changed for worse. it is a major turn-off, a major let down. 

2 months of friendship > 4 years of friendship. what fucking bullshit.

i thank yulin for the little "top-up" - "next time you go in who'll come and visit you.? you think all your that friends, or joey they all.?", and the little consoling, "joey, i think you're the most sensible out of the rest of them." without the lhc and tan yulin 'overlooking' the conversation, i doubt that boy will even want to talk to me, let alone getting him to remain in his seat throughout the little talk. aiya cb, the world is so seh lah nowadays.