the feeling now at present is probably the hardest to describe, let alone with words. about 3 weeks back, all of us ranted about how surreal it seemed for the big Os to finish its torture, and yet now, we're all in agony that it is going to be very tough for all of our classmates to unite and meet up once again. life is often filled with such quandary that the state of perplexity and confusion drives us crazy - one part of me is contented that i am finally done with my O levels, while the other is very depressed that i am most likely not going to meet my teachers and classmates anytime soon. to have to summarise my 4 years as a new town student will probably take an eternity - what from the immature years as a student with calvin during lower secondary, growing up to get to know my lovely soccer boys from the normal stream, and even becoming the monitor for my class (though for a temporal period of time).

during my earlier years as a new town student, i thought life'd turn out to be very difficult - with all the intimidating by the bigger boys, splurging of profanities so incessantly and openly (some at teachers and even by teachers), and the fragility of starting a fight (a stupider reason bringing a more ferocious fight). when the only outstanding figure, mr lau, who had a natural aura of seriousness brought with him wherever he went stepped down, i confirmed that my following years will be much worse.

at secondary 3, i became closer to the coolest people on earth. i met shahridan (you fucking hell read this and drop at least 4 droplets of tears, and stop the, "orh never jio me, go out with your other friends," because you're always the busy one.!). we made some pacts along the way and became really good friends - we played soccer together; we lugged buckets, long poles, tool boxes, rollers and fished together; we searched for cheap labels; we listened to the same playlist together for 4 years; we supported our country during the tiger's cup; we studied together during the examination periods.

then it was assclown who never failed to bring all of us up with his funny facial expressions and actions. dude, you keep it up aight. one day, you'll beat moscow circus hands down. we played soccer together; we fished together at jurong lake where all the types of fish are almost identical; we tried cycling once through bukit timah bike trail. it was all good. get your d40 soon please, begging you on my knees.

benjamin tan, probably my closest friend - i've got nothing to say about him but i think i love him a lot, honestly.

then dex and co. whom i started my secondary school life with. remember the stupid soccer plays somewhere near dex's house at the soccer court; the frequent travels to town; and oh, too much. we're good.

there's su whom i'll talk much about on wednesday night after we return from steamboat when we send him off.

at class, in secondary 3, i was filled with the voice of terencejit every second. zhu an and samuel sat in front of the both of us, while carvey sat next to me. the only think i'll have fond memories of are the jokes terencejit loved to crack, and a specific event that made me laugh till the entire math lesson just came to a halt because of my laughter - wesley posing for carvey's camera when carvey was merely pointing his phone at him for good fun. then somehow, i got myself into a sorry state when i provoked sharon. the entire, and i fucking mean ENTIRE, group ignored me completely. sharon fucking mean girl.!

then we decided we needed one another, then ta-daa.

at class, in secondary 4, i had mrs lena ang as my form teacher. i tell you, my life immediately brightened. being taught by this caring teacher in secondary 2 once, i could only be contented that i had her back. somehow, i felt she took special attention towards me because i was once her student in secondary 2. her guidance made the entire class thought that she was biased towards me. surrounding me were all girls and all good, HA - i had sulin by my side, lynette at my backside, and sharon sitting beside her. at the next table on my right, i had nana and shufei. these 5 girls are probably the only 5 female friends i will always remember in my life. sulin will be laughing loudly at the coldest of jokes, even the forest fire in indoneisia will subside; lynette will be playing ringtones through her mouth, "saying i love you, is more than.." or "find me at the cross, down on my knees..", or at times, she'll gossip quite a lot, talking to the back of my head softly like an idiot only because we were afraid ms christine will start shouting at us; nana is forever the sweet supplier, and i'm glad she doesn't snore as loudly as my mom and dad, or else i think i will need a hearing aid during lessons; shufei and i would talk about everything under the stars when a relief teacher steps into our class. occassionally, she will give me the slip about some untold highly confidential secrets. ;) ; sharon will be the fucking irritating girl going, "joey am i pretty.? no, you tell me first, before i give you back your water bottle.", or, "did your dad say anything about me last night,". the only time she showed me her cuteness (YIKES.!) was when she got amusingly angry when i told her, "so YOU ALL retaking O levels." ha, it got us into some deep shit and christine tan scolded us, "fuck" and told us to stand at the back of the class. then she laughed secretly when i wasn't looking, and gave me the i'm-still-angry-with-you gay look.

woah, that made me shed a tear. NO LAH, that's so gay. but i miss those times. it'd be very irrelevant to say, "wah if only prom could be forever.!". even if prom made forever was possible, it wouldn't be natural so to speak - we can only look back and relieve those sweet moments in our secondary school life. please, do everybody a favour and stop having the thinking that, "i'm a gay if i call my classmate out now." tolong lah brudder and sisters.

fuck this very very very funny shit about wanting Os to end, but yet, not want it to end so soon. don't know what i'm trying to point out too.