Dear mdm neo,

RE: the teacher wearing white bata school shoes.

i sincerely hope that you read this proposal with your fullest of attention, for it involves the (as serious as it sounds) lives of 23 captives held in class E44. on top of my sincerity, i speak with a humble voice, in representation of my classmates who are, as i am, being tortured mercilessly and ripped off of all our basic human rights everytime we attend a Mother Tongue lesson.

we all live in the 21st century, where the increase in literacy level and affluence around the world is more than evident for all to see. the compulsory implementation of a second language should be of beneficiary to every singaporean student - such when one requires the language when he or she is abroad for business purposes. rightfully, no harm is done when one acquires the learning of a secondary language. however, it MUST come to your attention that the above mentioned is something the chinese students of class E44 can only hope for.

clad in a flowery and thin cloth, with a chest-high pair of slacks, You-Know-Who walked into our class and announced that from that moment on, she'd be our chinese teacher for the rest of our time in new town secondary school, much to our despair. with a notorious reputation of being able to make something out of nothing, she has attained for herself, a first-class air ticket to be sent to the most deserted corner in east timor, and a warrant to license her to stay there for the rest of her life. having a weird interest in speaking to the parents of her students, she makes it a point to go by her motto, "a parent a day, keeps the doctor away." i remember clearly one of our term values made by your highness and mr tan say pin - care and concern. thus, we should understand the plight she's in - that wicked uncontrollable desire to speak to a parent every single day, even if it means complaining that so and so dropped a hair pin on the floor and made a racket during lesson, although i don't know how is that possible - we should allow and be supportive of her calls to our parents. therefore, i sincerely request for consent forms for the class to be given to our parents to notify them of our teacher's condition, and not leave them unexpected when she calls to complain about our failure to place that speck of dust into the dustbin.

there was once, when i was secretly reading my harry potter sequel under my table while the cd player was playing a listening comprehension practice, she paced quickly up to my table, took the book, and threw it out of the class door, and down to the first floor. imagine the shock and anger in me - shocked that i've just witnessed the first woman singaporean pitcher at the age of above 50, and angry, that mrs ang is the teacher-in-charge of basketball, and not her. coincidentally, i was reading the chapter on Quidditch, and i guess it must have brought back enough painful memories to make her perform a stunt never before seen. my dear, she called my parents after that, most likely to satisfy the itch of talking to a parent, and even more likely to make sure i am forced to keep the secret that she was from Hogwarts. i am not supposed to tell others that she was from Hogwarts. have you read Deathly Hallows, no.? i'll be a spoiler and tell you the gist of this chapter - Voldemort's actually my chinese teacher.

i must applaud her ability to teach in a class of 23 students, not an easy task at all. being on the topic of toilet bowls, she can manipulate it in such a way that the last topic she finishes with is Home United Football Club. no, really. from bullying cases in school, her conclusion is that we should support the breast cancer foundation. or, from how shit exits out of the anus, to how she manages to suck her stomach in to fit her pants. and the way her logic works, it's no wonder mrs betty wong wanted us to have cow sense instead of common sense. she's such a good talker, she can drown you in a sea of words. her logic stands above all. nobody has ever outtalked her in an arguement. if you try to argue that you were sick the day before and thus, wasn't aware of the homework given, she will say you should have asked your classmates. if you say your hands were chopped off the day before, and couldn't write a single chinese character, she will say you should have gotten your dad to do it for you. if you say you lost your head in a car accident, your limbs got eaten by paramedics who were cannibals on the way to the hospital, she will say you should have gotten your dad to do it. and if that happened to you, and sadly, you've got no family and you're all alone, and both of you are the only beings left in the world, she'll still be able to come up with an arguement to counter your excuse. therefore, i want to congratulate your highness on employing such a capable HOD of mother tongue.

maybe it's because they were of the same race, and it was racial harmony and disharmony between the same races, that she took it out on one of the chinese student. you know, she taught me the meaning of black and white, and how that's that, and that's final, and that's it. if it's racial harmony, IT IS racial harmony and only racial harmony. be nice to people of other races, and be mean to those whose skin colour is the same as yours.

to summarise all that i have said, i hope you will not reconsider your decision to step down as principal to let her take over, because from the above mentioned, it is clear, you're not even 0.4% as capable as she is. come on, she plays Quidditch and wears trousers that threaten to strangle herself. i wouldn't say both of you have nothing in common. at least both of you like to wear your bottoms so high, it can touch the sky. ^^

Yours Truly
Joey.