IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY ELDER BROTHER, JOEL.

my brother passed away this morning after a car accident occurred. my eldest brother was driving my mom's toyota corolla to get food for the whole family. unfortunately, they met with an accident. this is the seond time my eldest brother have landed the car in such a bad state, and now, the death of my elder brother. ): even as i'm tearing now, i want to make it known to everybody the joy my brother has given me throughout my 15 years in planet earth. he always repair faults on the computer, if any, and... it's like this whole world is filled with villians, and an outstanding hero in my life, which is him. sometimes, i do curse and hurt him when i'm really mad at him, but on top of everything, i still love him like crazy. as much as i want him to disappear from my life, i want him in my life. this is ironic, but he's gone now. he was pronounced death at that very accident scene. should i curse my eldest brother for his second time driving so recklessly.? this may sound very normal, as if i'm cheering for joy that my elder brother is gone, but screw all of you fuckers. my heart wants to thump out of my chest, my lungs are tired from screaming already, and my fists are eager to give my eldest brother a nice big punch on his 2 rows of dirty yellow teeth. but my parents will not approve. i would rather my elder brother than my eldest brother. nobody can save me, nobody can help me. if i prayed hard enough, will God just drop my fatty elder brother back onto 50 eng kong drive.? i doubt so. he's gone, and it's forever, and the only thing i can do now is to keep him in my prayers and thoughts, which seems so so useless. in my heart is where he is, forever until my dying day. i promise to strive hard in my studies, excel in my other interests such as architecture studies which in the entire family, only he is supportive of. if time could just turn back, i will eat shit then to ask them to buy food for me. what's with my greed.? FUCK PEOPLE.! i don't wanna talk to or about my eldest brother anymore, because i think he has just taken away the greatest brother anyone could have. i wanna die in a huge pit of fire now. that's all. oh.. and did i mention.? it's april fools day. i'm still trying to make this really emo, because i'm afraid you'll see this sentence as it happens to be in the middle of the page. no capital letters as it may jerk your senses. so, thanks for reading all the bullcrap above.